That Day I saw everything like a movie, my life changed forever…
When I was sulking in my problems, my loneliness was killing me inside, I was cursing – “why me?”. Day in and day out I was trying to flow with the minutes which seemed like never ending days. I must face life so I should get up and go. Every passing day gave me solace that one more day was less from the total count of my life.
Every day, every moment surrounded by people, I was surrounded by the silence of my pain.
My heart bled every day still, I was alive.
My tears never dried up still, I survived.
I had a loving family and some great friends. Why was I alone?
Sometimes I wish I could ask “is marriage the only way to survive for a girl?” I fail to understand the societal norms. I wish I could ask God in this heat of moment – “Why, please answer me why? I was born as a GIRL?”
I have fire in my head and pain in my heart, like a dedicated wife I kept on rolling. I kept on walking till I decided to do something …
I am not a coward but I did it…
I could not resist and fell in the darkness of my pain…
I gave in to my anger and to my lonely thoughts which gave me company…
I fell in the sea of blindness slowly thinking now I will see greener pastures…
What I saw, I never wanted to!
What have I done?
Tears rolling by the eyes of my loved ones just to see me open my eyes. I had been the most obedient child so that my mother never cries, she was in shock. Look what have I done to see them like this. I thought this step would lead me to peace and today my body is suffering the repercussions of my step.
Is this the heaven I was looking for?
That day my soul cried!
In India, once a girl is married she has lesser options to look outside her husband’s house. We have not progressed so much ahead with our thought process. A marriage which gives no love and hope to a girl, still she does not have a choice to be on her own. Depression leads to many faulty steps however – Is Suicide a way out?
We can’t imagine the plight and agony of the girl. The helplessness we can care to understand still, we can’t completely. Before taking the final step, think back how it can affect your surroundings and more so yourself. Not all suicide attempts are successful – Are you willing to face the consequences post that? Do you want to add to your pain? Help yourself. Remember God loves you a lot.
Family and friends, a small help you can do for your loved ones – “Be in Touch”. Throw the norms of the society in dustbin, which can hurt them. If the person is gone, the society cares a damn – you can’t repair your loss, can you?
I am linking up this post as part of #BlogChatter Prompt – #That Day
Disclaimer: These are just my views.
I am a part of the gang – #Writeaholics. Please checkout the posts of my Blogbuddies and spread some love – Shinjini, Anindya , Saumy, Dixita, Menaka and Dr. Anshul
This is very moving work. I am out of words!
I guess every step has to be very thoughtful…it should be properly weighted across pros and cons.
Thanks Alok. Took me time to write this down and share.
Yes, i can imagine.
Thanks 🙂
I can’t even imagine all the pain and frustration one has to undergo to take a decision like that… So much a woman has to go through… We need a support system, a system that would listen and provide practical solutions. Very touching post.
Thanks so much Rajlakshmi. Yes we cant imagine, we can just try to understand the pain. Provide an environment for our family members where they can speak to us.
really liked your post for the insightful look into suicide and the reasons behind it. Yes one must think about the consequences always…
Thanks Shalini 🙂
always speak out your pain with ur dear and near one’s…they can help get back to u on track.
Love you sweets
Reflects the reason behind most of woman suicide cases in our country. A moving post giving way to million thoughts and a Hope.
Thanks Upasna
“Loss of a life can never be recovered.” Life is precious and so is a woman. Only a woman can change or break these societal norms.
True Neha… a woman faces lot of challenges from a woman most of the times
Manisha, really I was moved into tears while reading your post. Such a profound thought it was. Great post !!!
Thanks Vasantha…means a lot 😊
Yes..all such incidents raise many questions for us and regarding safety of women in our society. We seriously hope for some change of laws.
Its also the mindset…Thanks for stopping by 😊😊
Such powerful narrative, Manisha! I really don’t have words to express that how much I liked this piece. It’s all in the mindset of the person which needs to be changed. Sometimes it’s the strong decision that we take, changes a lot of things. Hope this post reaches out to more and more people. Beautifully penned! 👍
Thanks so much Saumy.. really hope more and more people realise it. Its helps someone.
Thank you for sharing this beautiful post Mahekg. You have helped me understand your cultural pressures and the challenge of living with them. I ask God to help and give you wisdom. It helps to surround yourself with like-minded people who want change. If some are parents encourage them to train their children to love and respect others. If you married, just think of the opportunity to love and train your own children. Being one outside of your culture I hope I am not out of place in saying these things when I do not truly understand the whole situation.
Kathleen
Blogger’s Pit Stop
Thanks Kathleen. Good wishes help create the positive vibes to bring in the change. Thanks for spreading love. 🙂
In India women are compelled to live a life according to the societal requirements rather than her personal preferences. It is true at times that this leads to dire results than hormony.
Ya Menaka…truly said
There are lot of challanges in life and among them one is this to see some in pain. Thanks for sharing the post.
Thanks Jiya for stopping by
Really appreciate your thoughts and reason behind this blog. It’s beautiful and touching.
Thanks Shipra
Your post is a reality of our todays women’s life. You described it with so much feelings, pains and reactions. Its really painful for someone to take the step of suicide. Its the circumstances which forced someone to do so. But i think now its time to raise and raise a voice for ourselves. Being a girl is not a crime but we shouldnot be a coward girl in this cunning world.
True Minakshi, somewhere we need to put our put down and not take it lying down.
Mahek… I was trying to understand the courage you had to bring in to write such a moving and heart touching posts. I strongly feel suicide is not an option at all. As this is one decision if taken can never be reversed and will only cause more agony and pain in long run…
I agree suicide is not an option therefore wrote this post. This is not a personal experience but wanted to bring out awareness about such issues through whatever way I could.
I just had a conversation like this with a single friend of mine less than 10 mins ago. She is happy, settled in her career, almost married the wrong man years earlier but called in off and is doing very well. But in constant pressure by people to get ‘settled’. Even in this day and age, no matter how well a woman does, she is apparently not settled till she is married. I have vowed to never let my daughter come under this pressure. I hope society changes by the team she grows up.
We should change our mindset and stop being judgemental. Society is important but we should listen to our heart for sure. They have an opinion on every thing.
What a powerful post with a strong message. There is a lot that goes into one’s mind before taking such an extreme decision.
Yes what goes something which we cant understand exactly but what we can do is help our near and dear ones. Listening to the silent signs.
You have been through so much and unfortunately we all have in some way or another. It’s time to come out of grave and voice opinions and make decisions. The patriarchy mindset is so gravely ingrained that it needs a hulk to break through them. More power to you love! 🙂
Yes we need to raise our concerns. I havent personally been through this. This was just my way to raise awareness about such issues.
Suicides have become so frequent nowadays in our society. It is alarming! We need to provide a free and secure environment to our children. Groom them in a young age to be independent and decision makers. Make them feel secure, loved and so they can share everything going on in their mind . Excellent post .
Completely agree with you
So poignant! It’s a shame that there are many people trapped in loveless marriages. But you raise a good point – taking your life is not the answer. But I wish there was a better option available to those who are stuck.